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I stand outside in the cold smoking my cigarette, the cherry burning bright,
Thoughts of you coursing through me, pouring through my veins echoing in my head.
People walking by, my mind numb to their greetings, too confused to answer.
Questions form and begin to swirl growing in intensity as they are joined by others.
Half my soul crying out for a return to normalcy, the other demanding I try.
The struggle of the two halves driving me mad, a resolution is all I seek.
The ancient feelings call up times from the past.
Times of searching a crowd for merely a pretty face, playing the vast field.
Of weekends planned around me, others activities lost in my own pursuit of pleasure.
The new desires summoning up images of a future.
Images of dancing with you at a random party with friends,
Pictures of holding you on a sofa while a movie plays on the TV.
Designing activities of fun, sharing the time with another.
I don’t know your thoughts, how can I when I don’t even know my own,
Yet the urge to know them, to share in them is there.
My questions and thoughts float away like the smoke of my cigarette,
Leaving me empty and alone…